Survivor: Christmas
Growing up, Christmas was easy. And why wouldn't it be? I live in New England; we were built for this. All those charming, overpriced ornaments depicting covered bridges and woods full of snow? Clydesdales trotting around with giants wagons? All us. I come from a large extended family that all genuinely like each other (I think). I enjoy all the ancillary Christmas traditions: tree cutting, reciting all the lines to all the same movies every year, checking out the neighborhood light displays. Now I have my own family, and I get to pass down the traditions to my children and wonder at their unbridled excitement. All good things.
So it was always puzzling to me: why so many movies/articles/etc. about the difficulty of getting through the holiday season? I may have been young, but I wasn't oblivious to the fact that other people didn't have it as good as me. But was it really that bad? As I entered my twenties and real life kicked into high gear, the question remained. A quick Google search of "surviving the holidays" brings up lots of fun stuff, like grief/loss websites and Psychology Today articles. Awful experiences I get; there are no easy answers there. Still, that seemed to just emphasize my point. If everything else is relatively fine, why are so many people bummed out and stressed?
Well, I get it now. Holy shit, did you people have it right all along.
Having a family is stressful. Having a family at Christmastime is like being Leo DiCaprio in The Departed. I have three beautiful, gregarious, marvelous children. They are also demons. I'm starting to recall warnings that came my way when they were newborns. 'Get ready!' 'It goes by too fast.' 'Enjoy this while it lasts!' With twins - and a third child barely 14 months later - I was knee deep in diarrhea and puke on an hourly basis. It couldn't go fast enough. They just sit there! I can't wrestle with them! They are delicate, imminently breakable humans that I am completely responsible for! Christmas will be so much more fun when they're older.
And it is. But also, it isn't.
Maybe it was the ninety minutes of adjusting the Christmas tree in the stand, snorting pine needles and getting kicked in the back by jubilant miscreants. Perhaps it was the second time said tree fell over, fully lighted and decorated. (Our cat has been banished to the basement until January.) More likely, it was between my second and third scotch that it dawned on me. Scrooge got a bad rap. The Grinch had some valid points. My inner Clark Griswold is in a standoff with Uncle Lewis.
The kids know how it all works now. They won't just sit there, drooling on themselves, amused by stuffed animals. Well, maybe a few of them will- but still! They've seen Home Alone 2. A giant suite in the Plaza with a room full of presents is what Christmas looks like to them. They're not nearly as crafty as Kevin McCallister, though they've come close. For the record, neither am I. So now that I'm #christmaswoke, what's the plan?
Pictured: definitely not my living room.
The first step is the one I take with most important things: relax. Yes, the kids are attacking each other like spider monkeys and the electric bill is due and your wife deserves great gifts ESPECIALLY the one you can't quite remember even though she told you LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES SINCE AUGUST, but it can't consume you. Ain't nobody got time for that. Chill out and listen to Unearthly Trance. Clear your head.
The second and final step: drink. Moderately yet consistently. It's important not to skimp on quality here. After all, it's Christmas. Santa knows if you've been throwing back swill. Get some good seasonal brews (more on this to come) and/or high-grade bourbon, whiskey and scotch (more on this to come too). It's cliche, but boy, does it help.
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!
Christmas is still fun, but like many traditions, it's just different now. Figure out how to make it work for you, and it'll be time to ignore your new year resolution before you know it.
